🏅🎖️🏅

The World's Second Army
vs The World's Slowest Animals

Since February 2024, the Russian Armed Forces have advanced between 15 and 70 metres per day on their main offensive fronts — slower than any major military in the last century. We found some competition.

Select a race
🐌
The Snail
Chasiv Yar · Donetsk Oblast
"The garden snail requires no strategy, no logistics chain, and no air support. It requires only moisture and a mild evening."
15mRussia / day
25mSnail / day
+67%Snail advantage
Begin race →
🦥
The Sloth
Kupiansk · Kharkiv Oblast
"The three-toed sloth sleeps eighteen hours a day, defecates once a week, and is still making better time than the 11th Army Corps."
23mRussia / day
40mSloth / day
+74%Sloth advantage
Begin race →
🐢
The Tortoise
Pokrovsk · Donetsk Oblast
"Every year, adult male Galápagos tortoises migrate six kilometres uphill to find better food. Russia's best offensive in two years cannot keep pace."
70mRussia / day
250mTortoise / day
+257%Tortoise advantage
Begin race →

Advance rates: CSIS "Russia's Grinding War in Ukraine" (Jan 2026). Animal data: University of Exeter (snail), World Animal Protection (sloth), National Geographic / Max Planck Institute (tortoise). Casualties: ISW (Dec 2025).

1:00
This 60-second race represents a journey that took Russia — in real life.
David Attenborough* Press start to begin the race. * Not actually David Attenborough. Obviously.
🐌
Snail
🐌
0.0m
⭐
Russia
⭐
0.0m
1:00 Remaining
— Animal lead

— Animal / day
— Russia / day
— Real days
— Est. total casualties
for this entire advance
83/km² · 4km front · ISW 2025

Sources: CSIS "Russia's Grinding War in Ukraine" (Jan 2026) · ISW Russian Offensive Campaign Assessment (Dec 2025) · University of Exeter snail study (2013) · World Animal Protection · National Geographic / Max Planck Institute for Ornithology.

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